I should be writing something else write now. As I type, I should be typing elsewhere. All these letters and words should be in a totally different order on a different document creating something else.
But, alas, here we are. Did he just write alas? I’ve been trying to write since about ten o’clock this morning and my efforts have reaped no fruit. Well, not no fruit but meagre, unappealing fruit. Fruit you wouldn’t want to eat outright but that you might put into a crumble.
I don’t like crumble.
At first I was sat, in bed, at my laptop. Fuelled by the enthusiasm of potential. At ten o’clock this morning, I was genuinely excited to get writing. Hasn't happened in a while, but I felt genuine excitement.
I wrote a sentence and then another and then I stopped and checked Twitter, and then Instagram and then went back to the document and re-read the lines, and then to Facebook, then I got a drink, then I drank the drink and checked Twitter, then I looked at the document and deleted the first sentence as I watched a Tik Tok. Having watched the Tik Tok and checked Twitter, I deleted the second sentence.
And so on and so on and so on.
The day has seen me go on a walk (twice!), listen to a podcast, try and paint, try and read, watch a lot of Tik Tok and eat my body weight in salt and vinegar twiglets.
It’s now, as I type, at nearly five o’clock that I had the idea of writing about my day purely to point to something I’d achieved. Look, look there, I did a blog post, you see? It wasn’t wasted, nothing was wasted. I just did something else.
I’ve been giving myself some time off, which is proving invaluably wonderful. I’ve discovered a love of Baileys – never had it before, never will I never again – and watched an enormous amount of television while holding my book in my hand, because hope springs eternal.
It’s been restful and relaxing and needed but when do I snap myself back to reality? Will it happen naturally? Maybe, come January 4th, I’ll sit down and write and not stop for days on end. I’ll keep my fingers crossed but I won’t rely on this reality.
Equally, sitting down, staring at the computer and beating myself up that I’ve not written a thousand words is a road to ruin.
Instead, for the next few days at least, maybe I take what comes along. If feeling good, run with it, write with it, type, type and try not to stop; and when not feeling good, leave it. Catch-up with Soul on Disney+ or the Comic Relief pantomime.
That feels like a good plan. That'll pass the days.
I’m not entirely sure what the point of this post was, but I wrote something today.
And that’s pretty good.